It's called a challenge for a reason and that is exactly what it is. Since beginning the Intuitive Eating Challenge I have begun a pretty hard journey toward listening to my body rather than my mind when it comes to food.
Food has long been a comfort and a stressor for me. I eat when I'm bored, tired, upset, hating myself although not too frequently when I feel I'm in a fine state of mind. Then that nasty guilt sets in and I hate everything about everything and want to hide under the blankets until I'm done feeling like a fat mess. An issue I have been facing in the last few months is a frequent physical feeling of hunger. I know it started when I began taking hormones to reverse amenorrhea and stay with me while I took a regular low dose birth control pill. I've since stopped since the hormones were making me feel legit crazy but that physical feeling of hunger still plagues me some times. What gives?!
I often blame my conscious self. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it's a cover up for whatever I'm feeling deep down that I'm struggling to deal with on the surface. But what if it's more than that and I'm beating myself up for nothing? What if my hormones are still a bit out of whack (which I do sort of believe)? How do you become more in tune with your physical body when you aren't really sure what could be going on in there?
All things considered I think I'm doing pretty well so far. I've been learning to put down the food and walk away (most times) when I catch myself overmunching. Sometimes though I go with it until I feel a little more than full, then I feel guilty and vow to remember that feeling so that I won't become a repeat offender. I had my lack of control tested over the weekend when I went out to eat with Dad and surprisingly did not have any guilty feelings afterward - not even for eating a few fries! I'm still working on figuring out cravings and deciding what I really want to eat over what seems practical and available. I'm only a week in but I do feel as though I've taken some big steps forward.
From where I was a year ago beginning ED recovery I don't think I could have imagined being in this place right now and having so much support in building a better mentality toward food. I had sort of resigned myself to the belief that food would always be, in some way, a struggle for me. Now I know that isn't the truth at all.
Recovery was step one.
The next, learning to eat and live intuitively.
I think I am more than ready.
Showing posts with label Intuitive Eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intuitive Eating. Show all posts
Terrible Tues.
I'm not entirely sure what it is about Tuesdays lately but they leave me feeling flat. I have been on cloud nine recently. I was overly excited about every little thing in life just last night. But this morning, this particular Tuesday, I woke up feeling unlike my 'new norm.' I also woke up with food guilt.
Yesterday was Day One of Jamie's 21 Day Intuitive Eating Challenge. I signed up for this challenge as a means to finally, after so many dirty struggles, repair my relationship with food. The objective yesterday was to eat whatever you want whenever you want. I struggled a little with giving up on measuring all of my foods but I did allow for plenty of wiggle room. I was fine with my eating all day... until I walked in the door at midnight with a slightly grumbly tummy. While I didn't gorge on junk food I was remorseful for eating too much of the good stuff. I woke up with that guilt lying right beside me. Welcome to Day Two - Let's Stop Judging Ourselves. I most definitely, no matter how far away from ED I have come, still feel pangs of self judgement from time to time after I eat. That is definitely part of the problem today.
And I hate it. Not that anyone would love it. But I truly loathe this feeling.
I have spent countless hours reading on eating disorder recovery from medical type books and articles to memoirs and blog posts. My old therapist told me I had a really good handle on my recovery process because of all of this. So why do I still worry about food? And furthermore why do I still worry about that God forsaken scale?
I've read a few blog posts lately with the same theme - thinking that when you reach a certain weight your life will really begin and you will finally be happy. Well, I've been a decent amount of numbers all the way down to 102 and let me tell you happiness cannot be measured in numbers. Yet I still have that nagging feeling way down deep in my brain. That does not mean I am not happy in this present moment. I most certainly am. I have accomplished so much in even just the last few months let alone the last year. I finally feel like I am right where I belong and working toward achieving so many goals I have set for myself, and I'm looking forward - without fear - to what else is going to come my way. My positivity has bred more positivity. I am absolutely IN LOVE with life. But I guess when things are going so well there has to be some sort of bump in the road to keep things interesting, right? To remind you that you are still human and falter? To remind you of your strength and how you got to this very moment?
Today's objective is a tough one for me. I struggle with self judgement even beyond my eating habits. I have long been a perfectionist - my own worst enemy - and only recently have I been learning how to be my own best friend. How do you wave a white flag when it comes to yourself? How do you resign yourself to just being who you really are in this present moment? How do you begin to believe in yourself 100% based on who you are and what you are capable of and not judge yourself based on what you look like, weigh or eat?
Yesterday was Day One of Jamie's 21 Day Intuitive Eating Challenge. I signed up for this challenge as a means to finally, after so many dirty struggles, repair my relationship with food. The objective yesterday was to eat whatever you want whenever you want. I struggled a little with giving up on measuring all of my foods but I did allow for plenty of wiggle room. I was fine with my eating all day... until I walked in the door at midnight with a slightly grumbly tummy. While I didn't gorge on junk food I was remorseful for eating too much of the good stuff. I woke up with that guilt lying right beside me. Welcome to Day Two - Let's Stop Judging Ourselves. I most definitely, no matter how far away from ED I have come, still feel pangs of self judgement from time to time after I eat. That is definitely part of the problem today.
And I hate it. Not that anyone would love it. But I truly loathe this feeling.
I have spent countless hours reading on eating disorder recovery from medical type books and articles to memoirs and blog posts. My old therapist told me I had a really good handle on my recovery process because of all of this. So why do I still worry about food? And furthermore why do I still worry about that God forsaken scale?
I've read a few blog posts lately with the same theme - thinking that when you reach a certain weight your life will really begin and you will finally be happy. Well, I've been a decent amount of numbers all the way down to 102 and let me tell you happiness cannot be measured in numbers. Yet I still have that nagging feeling way down deep in my brain. That does not mean I am not happy in this present moment. I most certainly am. I have accomplished so much in even just the last few months let alone the last year. I finally feel like I am right where I belong and working toward achieving so many goals I have set for myself, and I'm looking forward - without fear - to what else is going to come my way. My positivity has bred more positivity. I am absolutely IN LOVE with life. But I guess when things are going so well there has to be some sort of bump in the road to keep things interesting, right? To remind you that you are still human and falter? To remind you of your strength and how you got to this very moment?
Today's objective is a tough one for me. I struggle with self judgement even beyond my eating habits. I have long been a perfectionist - my own worst enemy - and only recently have I been learning how to be my own best friend. How do you wave a white flag when it comes to yourself? How do you resign yourself to just being who you really are in this present moment? How do you begin to believe in yourself 100% based on who you are and what you are capable of and not judge yourself based on what you look like, weigh or eat?
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