It's called a challenge for a reason and that is exactly what it is. Since beginning the Intuitive Eating Challenge I have begun a pretty hard journey toward listening to my body rather than my mind when it comes to food.
Food has long been a comfort and a stressor for me. I eat when I'm bored, tired, upset, hating myself although not too frequently when I feel I'm in a fine state of mind. Then that nasty guilt sets in and I hate everything about everything and want to hide under the blankets until I'm done feeling like a fat mess. An issue I have been facing in the last few months is a frequent physical feeling of hunger. I know it started when I began taking hormones to reverse amenorrhea and stay with me while I took a regular low dose birth control pill. I've since stopped since the hormones were making me feel legit crazy but that physical feeling of hunger still plagues me some times. What gives?!
I often blame my conscious self. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it's a cover up for whatever I'm feeling deep down that I'm struggling to deal with on the surface. But what if it's more than that and I'm beating myself up for nothing? What if my hormones are still a bit out of whack (which I do sort of believe)? How do you become more in tune with your physical body when you aren't really sure what could be going on in there?
All things considered I think I'm doing pretty well so far. I've been learning to put down the food and walk away (most times) when I catch myself overmunching. Sometimes though I go with it until I feel a little more than full, then I feel guilty and vow to remember that feeling so that I won't become a repeat offender. I had my lack of control tested over the weekend when I went out to eat with Dad and surprisingly did not have any guilty feelings afterward - not even for eating a few fries! I'm still working on figuring out cravings and deciding what I really want to eat over what seems practical and available. I'm only a week in but I do feel as though I've taken some big steps forward.
From where I was a year ago beginning ED recovery I don't think I could have imagined being in this place right now and having so much support in building a better mentality toward food. I had sort of resigned myself to the belief that food would always be, in some way, a struggle for me. Now I know that isn't the truth at all.
Recovery was step one.
The next, learning to eat and live intuitively.
I think I am more than ready.
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